Welcome to the Major Motion Monster Project
Please follow these instructions carefully
Before joining us in the listening of this recording
(throat clear)

First: be wary of contents in this recording
That may not be suitable for all listeners. Such as:
Knives
Stabbing sounds
Heavy machinery
Gunfire
Coughing
Choking
Blasphemy
The zombie apocalypse
Torture
Sudden blood curdling shrieking
Revving up chainsaws
And common phrases used by homophobic Christians
That will undoubtedly trigger your religious trauma

Step two: call your boss who speaks to you like a child
Or the estranged uncle who thinks gay people should die (die die-die)
Tell them to rot in hell like the maggot infested carcass
They're destined to become
And hang up the phone before they can give a rebuttal.

Next: ensure your doors are locked for the durat-duration o-of
(low buzzing)

Lastly, but most impor-r-tly:
D-disca-ard this tape immediately a-a-after viewing-ewing
(unintelligible)
(explosion, demonic laughter)