Kathy, my iceberg
My comet, my blue bird
My cut with the steady drain
Nothing, but no-one
Can take you where you don't want
And that's a shame
Talk to her maybe
I'm half off the wagon, and six feet underground
Walking so slowly, I can barely feel the grass
Or distinguish the sound

And you didn't even feel strange
But your friends all told you that you'd changed

Now Kathy loves Johnny
But Johnny's got a lot on his mind right now
He's pluckin' up the courage
To retire to the country and buy a plow
But if you get up bright and early
You might even catch some sweat on that honest brow

But you get to be the pig, or you get to be thе cow
The cow
The cow
The cow, thе cow, the cow

Johnny my first mate, my cupcake, my blind date
My pretty, little, wide-eyed drone
Pick up your blade
And join the crusade
It can't be worse than sitting at home
Alone in your king size
You cough and clutch your sides and dream of silver trays
Brass bells and dark suits, calm, conservative mutes
And Kathy, just because she's away

And you didn't even feel strange
But your friends all told you that you'd changed

Now Johnny loves Kathy
But Kathy's got a lot on her mind right now
She's gotta tell her mama how she's gone
And got herself in a fix, somehow
But if you get up bright and early
You might even catch some sweat on that honest brow

But you get to be the pig, or you get to be the cow
The cow
The cow
The cow, the cow, the

Can't be the horse, I'm the horse
Oh no, you can't be the horse, I'm the horse
Oh no, you can't be the horse, I'm the horse
Oh no, you can't be the horse, I'm the horse

Oh no, you can't be the chicken cause we outlawed fowl
And you can't be the wolf because we outlawed howlin'
You can't be the trout because we outlawed fish
And you can't be the farmer 'cause we outlawed the Irish
And you can't be the ram because Johnny asked first
And you can't be the ewe because Kathy? That's hers
And you can't be the dog or the cat or the mouse
No, you can't be the flea or the tick or the louse

No, you can't be the horse, I'm the horse
Oh no, you can't be the horse, I'm the horse
Oh no, you can't be the horse, I'm the horse
Oh no, you can't be the horse, I'm the horse

You're the pig or the cow