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                "alt": "our beloved journalist and hardworking civilian Clark Kent, dressed in a cowprint sling bikini. his legs are timidly crossed, and he's wiggling, clearly anxious to let anything valuable fall out. he wears a cow headband atop his head of curly, black hair -- fully equipped with little cow horns and floppy cow ears. he's got a nervously excited smile on. he might have some idea of what happens next.\n\n\"n-nothing's gonna come out if you squeeze 'em!\"\n\nbut maybe something will come out. you should go and find out.",
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    "text": "hey so it's a really long story but all you need to know is clark in a cowkini",
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